muddkrazy44

The end of the year is coming around.... I have prom and graduation to worry about.... but i'm worrying about it one event at a time.... right now i am focused completely on prom.... I am trying to find a hall that is good.... but cheap.... I don't have a lot of money to work off of.... I am trying to do a fundraiser from home interiors.... it's a candle place.... it gives us 50% of the profit.... So we could make a lot of money off of it.... as long as people participate....

In other news.... mt birthday is coming up.... the big 1-8.... lol.... my party is on april 28th at my house.... if you wanna come.... feel free.... i'm not getting my hopes up that a lot of people are coming.... my last few parties haven't been very great.... not many people have shown up.... so like i said.... i'm not getting my hopes up.... cuz there's those people who say they're coming but at the last minute don't show up.... but that's alright.... we are all growing up.... we all have lives....

On the topic of my birthday.... this year i was giving up on not telling people what i wanted for my birthday.... i was actually going to tell people.... but the only problem is.... i don't want anything..... and i'm being serious.... the only thing i want is to meet dan.... he is such a great friend.... he's like a brother to me.... and i wish i could see him face to face.... so i could tell him how wonderful he is to his face.... but the chances of that happening are slim to none.... unless if i get my miracle.... i would love for him to be at my birthday party with all of my friends.... i wish he could be there because he is my friend.... one of my best friends.... i love him a lot.... and i just wish he knew how special he is to me.... and my sister.... and to several others as well....

I think that is all i have to say....

Life has been very easy this week. hings have gotten a lot better than my last post. Tough, I don't know who reads these anymore and who actually still comes on here.... But! I only have three classes now.... I'm too smart.... and they can't give me a full schedule! So I get out at 10:51. I'm going to look for a job during the day because I am sick of scoming home to do nothing! Other than that.... my life has pretty much been stress free except for taylor.... he's having issues with his ribs and it hurts to breathe. He is really freaking me out! lol. Also.... I deleted my mypace 2 weeks ago.... then I remade it yesterday because I was bored.... I got rid of alot of friends.... But thats okay! lol.

Current Mood: amused

People today are just driving me crazy! I am sick of poeple talking shit about people and not expecting to be talked back about. I'm sick of poeple being so damn stubborn and they are neer wrong when they are on so many levels. I'm sick of people not being able to take a joke. I'm sick of being hurt and being let own. i am tired of being dissappointed in the end. Why can't everyone just realize they are wrong and accept it. Why must poeple talk about others in the first place. The world would just be so much better without drama! Some people need to grow up and realize the world does not revolve around them!

Current Mood: aggravated

today i realized something. I am a bitch. a horrible selfish bitch. Yes i know im a bitch ive always known that. but now i realize how selfish i am. i always expect everyone to bend over backwards for me. I always forget about everyone i love, completely ignore them until i need a shoulder to cry on. why am i like this? why? the people i love mean more to me than anything in this world and i push them away. the only people i feel that i havent drifted from are Brittany, ahmad, and taylor. and half the time i feel like im using them! last night n this morning made me realize this. It was me and britt in the back of anthonys car, we were both hyper and we were having a blast! and we havent really done that in awhile! and i love britt so much! shes like the twin i never had. then this morning we both woke up and we wrere talking about random things that didnt matter at all! but i still loved it! i miss hanging out with her! then theres ahmad! the one i fell that understands me the best. why? idk! i tell him everything! and we can always joke around together. lately ahmad has been my inspiriation to think about things. he is the greatest friend i could ever ask for. and when he was gone for those two weeks, i felt lost! i missed him so much! not in any knid of romantic way to clear the air. its just because, before he left i read his page, it inspired me and he was gone! so i was completely lost! and when he came back! i just felt together again. it was like a piece of me was missing. Then theres taylor. my wonderful boyfriend who i definetly do not deserve! but yet he still puts up with me. he always does. a few times hes wanted to walk away, but he always comes back, i know that is because he cares about me and he promised never to give up on me. but yet i comstantly use him. i always expect him to be here whenever i need him. and if hes not i get mad. like last night, i left his friends house cuz he was spending the night and he didnt wlak with me. and i got upset with him. but i never asked him to. i just expected him to. then today i constantly got at him for not coming with me. and that was so wrong! cuz ik if i would have asked he would have came with! i know he would have! cuz thats the kind of person he is! he is always here for me. and right now i feel like he shouldnt be here for me because then i wont always expect it. but i also had another realization on how much of a bitch i am. claire and i were haing a conversation last week monday and i was going through a hard time. i just completely shut out things she said. i thought she didnt know what shes talking about blah blah bla. and that wasnt right! because she was only trying to comfort me! but no i said things i didnt mean. then i told her not to worry about me n is my life. n yes this is my life! but this isnt the way i want to live it! not at all! i mean how horrible am i? i have shut claire out for months now! my big sister! the one who has always helped me through so many hard times, i shut her out. the last time i saw her was on ym birthday! and that was only for an hour! and even though it was only an hour, i love being with her! and i miss her now more than ever! n its hard to make time to see her because my life has been so busy lately and she lives so far away! the other day i called sammy n we went on a walk with my new dog and i loved that! because she is the only one close to me! and i missed her! and the only reason why i could see her is because she lives so close. its like i odnt have control of my life anymore. im always so fucking busy with anything. and yes this is probably how it should be considering it is my senior year but it is also my last chance to probably see everyone before they go off to college! i miean yes a party would be great but it shouldnt tak a party to see everyone! and partys are too complicated cuz theres so many people and so little time. then theres sarah and tori, i always refer to them together because they both have simular qualities and they are like twins! and i havent seen eithe rof them in so long! and i miss them all so much! nbut i cant see them! i cant see anyone! i just hate my life right now. its completely unorganized and i hate the person i am. i hate this selfish bitch ive become. and yes i would love to change it but when ive tried to change so many times, its failed, so ive given up hope.... ok im just gonna shut up now cuz this is just yea....

later

shannon

Current Mood: depressed

my life is just so wondeful as of late! lol. well i got arrested on the 6th 4 graffiti. now i can get up 2 2 1/2 yrs in prision. knowing my luck, it'll happen. Well me ahmad n taylor deided 2 write on a wall n since they're 16 they r still condsidered a minor. since im 17 im an adult. but yet u'd think sumthin like this would drive us apart.... but really its brought us closer than ever. sure i cant see them but i will never forget that day! lol well also i guess i havent changed since 5th grade cuz a person who went to my elementary school recognized my myspace. weird huh? lol n rite now im talking 2 taylor on the phone. well im on speaker phone so everyone can hear me. lol i should b getting 2 bed cuz i have church in the morning. o yea.... im going 2 church now.... funnny huh? lol well idk what else 2 say so LATER!

~THE AMAZON SQUIRREL HUNTER~

SHANNON STILLMAN

This is something that more recently came out. And i feel as if the whole world is going to know soon enough. so here it is. Lately i have been extremely busy and very hard to reach. I have also disclosed myself from the world. And this is why. It all started 2 mondays ago. I was in the living room having an arguement. and my deepest secret came out. one that no one knew. but here is my story. when i was 13 years old, i was molested by my grandfather. I was at his house one day helping my grandma and she left for work and we were alone. He came upstairs and started to touch me in ways he shouldnt have. I didnt know what to do. So this caused me to stay quiet until when i told my mom and sarah. Then the next day i told my couneslor at school. then she called around and it turned into a legal matter. So lately ive been questioned by so many people like child welfare and the police at school. when tuesday came around, it was time for them to talk to my parents. the only problem is that my dad didnt know. so it turned into a big fiasco at home. Then it came to last thursday. When we all went down tp the jailhouse to discuss this matter. and he confessed. so it made this matter alot easier! but then it came to where we needed to decide what was happening. i wanted him to get the highest punishment possible but i didnt want to go to trial and my parents just wanted him to have counseling. so hes getting charged and get probation for two years and counseling. i dont thihnk thats enough because he might do it again. and i just dont want to look at him anymore! i dont! i saw him as i was walking out of the room (we were in sepertae rooms) and i just shivered. then on friday my parents went out and they showed up. and it turns out they told my aunt danette. this just ruined my parents night. my mom couldnt even look at him. my dad wanted to kill him along with my aunt sherri! god i love them! they are so protective! and now im suppose to have a weekend with my aunt danette. so here comes the pittying from the whole family. now i will become the center of attention. but i have all my friends my family, and taylor to support me. so i just knew i had to tell you guys. i knew it would come out eventually. so this is my story. this is my deep dark secret. this is the reason why i'm so messed up. and now i get to go to counseling for it! yippie! lol but one good thing! i'm starting drivers ed! lol well bye!

Current Mood: calm

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

2. How long have you known me?

3. When & how did we meet?

4. What was your first impression?

5. If you could "hook me up" with ANYONE, who would it be?

6. What do you think my biggest weakness is?

7. What makes me happy?

8. What makes me sad?

9. What reminds you of me?

10. If you could give me anything what would it be?

11. When was the last time you saw me?

12. What have you always wanted to tell me?

13. Describe me in one word.

i could say this month started out like crap but it's getting better.... i think? knowing me though, by me saying that, things are going to get worse. ive had a few good days this month, one of the few was wednesday for snocore! it was pretty sweet! but yea that was one of the few good days this month. this month hasnt been great because i have turned into a horrible person always upsetting and hurting every1 close to me. n it hurts 2 c what kind of person ive become. i just cant go one day w/o sum1 being upset w/ me. n its all my fault! i have trouble balancing out friendships n relationships. n now every1 is upset w/ me. so now i just feel like crowding in a corner n hiding for a long long time. other than the few good days, there wasnt a nite this month i havent cried myself 2 sleep or felt like i was oging to. and everyday a new burn appears. everyday. so rite now i just am lot and confused n rite now, i couldnt b more of a worse of a person. ive reached a new low that i dont feel like getting into rite now. but rite now i feel like i should b dead. because what rite do i have 2 live? all i do i cause pain for all of those who are close to me. so dont mind me as i dig myself in a ditch and hide.

HEY HEY WHAT IS GOING ON ONE AND ALL! IT HAS BEEN FOREVER AND A DAY SINCE I UPDATED THIS MOFO N IM SURE U ALL MISSED ME! LOL! WELL NOW.... THIS MONTH HAS BEEN PRETTY SWEET! O IM PRESIDENT NOW FOR ALL WHO DIDNT KNOW! WOOT WOOT! WELL THIS WEEKEND.... IT WAS PRETTY INTERESTING 2 SAY THE LEAST! BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE GOING INTO DETAIL RITE NOW OR SHARING THE DETAILS OVER A LIVE JOURNAL! SO IF U WANNA KNOW IM ME OR JUSTR CALL! LOL WELL NOW! O N WHAT ELSE IS NEW? MY SAMMY SAM IS NOW AN OLD GRANDMA! N MY DAD IS EVEN OLDER! ALONG W/ BOTH MY GRANDMAS! LOL MY BF IS CHEATING ON ME W/ SAMMY SAMS BF LOL HEHE BUT ITS OK CUZ IM CHEATING ON HIM W/ SAMMY SAM *WINKS* LOL! IM A LIL CRAZY RITE NOW! LOL WELL ?'S OF THE DAY? HOW WAS UR JANUARY (EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT OVER YET) N R U READY 4 HELL'S DAY?


LATER
SHANNON

Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: RIGHT HERE BY STAIND

HAPPY NEW YEAR 1 N ALL! well 2day was my 1st day back 2 school. it was pretty fun! lunch was an interesting 1.... everything just came out.... the after school i went 2 the mall w/ britt sarah n techarming, got new jeans, shit, n a belt! it was alot of fun! now im home.... n all i can think bout is tay,lor.... kinda sad ik....but hey! im happy! but now my ?'s of the day is how is 2006 going 4 u all?

MERRY CHRISTMAS OR HAPPY HOLIDAYS N HAPPY NEW YEARS! well i certainly got my christmas wish.... di all of u? yes 4 all who do not know me n taylor r finally offical! AND the dating charm keeps going around cuz now SARAH N ANTHONY R DATING FINALLY! lo well merry christmas!

Current Mood: ecstatic

The Wind
Everyday the wind grows stronger
Trying to blow away everything I love
Everyday the wind gets harder
To escape, to hid, to overcome
But everyday I will grow stronger
To fight this, to win this
For it will not succeed
It will not let my fear come alive
The worst fear of them all
The fear of losing someone so dear
So I put my armor on
Lace up my boots
Put on a strong face
I grab my shield
I grab my sword
I run into the battle
Between love and hate
~Shannon Stillman

This is how i feel right now because of everything that is going on lately between me n taylor 4 all who do know

Current Mood: sad

What does your spirit look like? (amazing anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

well nothing new is going on w/ me! just bored out of my mind! n really tired! well i hung out w/ miss britt britt today.... we were all over town doing things! it is fucking freezing out! i came home n went underneath 3 freaking blankets n it still took an hr 4 me 2 b a lil warm! lol im cold now! but thats weird....! but yea.... this weekend i get 2 go BROWSING! 4 a winter formal dress.... hench the word browse.... i really dont wanna go! but britt n sarah r being evil! i dont wanna get all dressed up and then have 2 go out in the cold! lol! but the deal is that i can go 2 the mall on saturday n browse around and look 4 a dress.... if i find 1 i like & in my price range, i'll get it n go.... but if i dont! im not going! simple as that! it really sucks though! lol! its alot 2 go 4 me rite now since money is tight because of us going to australia.... but o well.... im prob. not going cuz sarah just thinks we have enough time 2 raise this money but still have time 2 spend it on stupid shit like a dress 4 a formal! that i dont even want 2 go 2! n that all im gonna do is sit there all nite because i didnt wanna go! n also its a proven factor that in cant dance! n i just dont like 2 nemore! exspecially in a dress! n then have 2 go 2 this thing n have them play complete SHIT! n not put on any damn rock songs! cuz they nvr do! n its only 3 hrs long! 4 10 bucks! only 3 hrs! thats how long our dances r! i will get out of this! or atleast i'll try! well neways the ? of the day is r u prepared 4 winter?

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: nothing at the moment.... sleep time!

You think you know but you have no idea!......... BORED!

lol happy thanksgiving everyone! i hope you all enjoy your meal n try not 2 eat 2 much! but what i am thankful for this year are my friends who are still here, all the new friends ive made this year, my family exspecially sarah, my opportunity of going to australia this summer, life, music, tv, and all the great times that have come my way! im greatful for school (yes i said it) because w/o it i'd b even stupider than what i already am, im greatful for my jobs, and basiclly i am thankful for anything having to do w/ life. because w/o life, there would be nothing to be greatful for! well every1 have a great one! n typical my ? of the day is what are you greatful for?

Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: Photograph- Nickelback

another day another day, 2day i plotted against my sister n went 2 the mall w/ britt, joey, n the ortas.... well they all got ytheir shit but going there made me angry! cuz now i saw the shinedown special edition cd n it makes me angry! cuz i want it! but i already have the cd.... but this 1 has more! lol i want it! hmmmm then britt n joey came back 2 my house n god it felt like weird having him at my house.... but we ordered a pizza n we will NEVER let him order a pizza again! cuz he just is a dork! lol he orders 2 much! the him n britt kept calling each other fat asses.... so yea! atleast what i thought was gonna happen didnt happen! lol but o! when we got 2 my house no1 was there so i go check upstairs, shelby's upstairs n im like hey joey's downstairs n she slike o really! can i go say hi? n she runs downstairs n she was like JOEY! n got all hppy n excited! it was so cute! lol but yea! n then we watched heartbreakers! n thank god they didnt make out in my bed! lol even though we were all crammed on my bed! lol n i kept pushing britt cuz she and him were just getting annoying w/ the god u fat ass toward each other so then im like go will u 2 move ur taking up the bed.... but neways.... school.... nothign new! lol i killed a roll again! lol its fun! n i had over hard butter! n i was hugging every1 goodbye! lol n then taylor got made at me 4 hugging him so im like u know u wanted it n he shuttteded up! lol so funny! lol but yea so the ? of the day! lol hmmmm how many of u hated the cold ass weather 2day?

Current Mood: content

HEY! DID YOU MISS ME!lol yea ik its been a long time since i have updated! but ive forgotten.... well.... lets see whats been new w/ me.... i lost the election by ONE vote! that really sucked! but o well im over it! lol hmmmm ive had more ppl attracted 2 me which is kinda weird.... lol o n 4 those who dont know i cut of 10 inches of my hair.... so thats all gone! but apparently i "look hot" even though i think i look like shit w/ short hair cuz it makes me feel like a lil kid! i havent had short hair for YEARS! so its kinda weird! lol o n i now am part of the working class! lol yep i have a job! lol im a fill in but i get paid $9.05 n hr! so its pretty fucking sweet! lol o n apparently i found out 2day that im not single.... i dont know how that happened cuz the last time i checked i was.... yea theres this 10th grader taylor who likes me n now they call me his gf n what not.... n its kinda funny.... lol i just gave up trying 2 defend myself because it will nvr work.... so im just going along w/ it.... lol 1/2 of me is tempted 2 just make it offical! so then ppl stop spreading fake shit about me around! i mean 1/2 the school already think were dating.... lol n 2day kevin came up 2 me n was like so wheres ur bf.... n im just like u wanna know what fuck it (in my head) ou know he went that way u know he catches the 80.... lol but i find it funny that im the only 1 who can actually tickle him.... i mean i grab his stomach n he like jumps n what every else not n then adrianna tred it 2day n it didnt phaze him.... but then u cant say he wasnt cuz he expected it cuz i did it rite after her n he laughed.... i swear taylor is such a geek! lol (thats his name) hmmmm nething else new.... yea o since the last post i am now selling avon so u know if u ever want 2 buy sumthin 4 urself or ne1 lse look me up! lol n guys dont b shy! lol i have a nice lil men's section in the book 4 u 2 look in! they have some GREAT smelling colgones (sp?) lol like this new 1 that will b in in like january.... its called real hero! man that smells so awesome! lol yea! lol n ahmad wasnt in school 2day! it was sad! i only had 1 of my 2 bitches at school! lol I MISS YOU AHMAD! COME BACK! ahmad's my sexy bitch! lol n maria is still trying 2 rape him! but just stay away from dark corners ahmad! cuz she might get u! lol! n u bum get ur ass back 2 school! lol well this whole week i didnt have 2 b in until 10:51 cuz 9th n 10th had testing.... but 2morow its regular schedule.... man i was really enjoying waking up late! n then making fun of all my 9th n 10th grade friends cuz they had 2 b 2 school on time.... ehhhh o well! lol hmmmmm o n im a peer mediator! lol wow! ALOT has happened in this short while! lol n YAY! JOEYS COMING BACK! WE MISS YOU JOEY! N CAN'T WAIT UNTIL UR HOME! britt's getting all giddy n happy n cant wait 4 him 2 b back! lol o n 4 those who have a myspace u gotta check out the new pics i put on there.... theyre from joeys going away party! lol the pic of me n tim is just BEAUTIFUL! lol! well im done 4 now! so the ? of the day is.... should i make it offical or just keep ppl just saying w/e.... lol this is my test 2 c if u read it all! lol! well LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

SHANNON!

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Beyond The Sun by Shinedown- Us and Them